HANDSTAND COMMAND!

Chris
CHRIS
The Blind King
The Assless Chaps
The Anchormen
Scrapple (dancer, bass)
The Somerville Community Star Warchestra
Experimental Dog
The Stevedores
Stray Voltage, Tense Cows
The Jason Fradin Three
Prometheus
The Corbomite Manoeuver

Emily
EMILY
The Tricunx
Shocker in Beantown
The Operators
The Quincunx
Diamond Gym
Empty Glasses
Experimental Dog
The Wiggins
The Organ Grinders
The Somerville Community Star Warchestra

HEATH
The Anchormen
Knightcap
Rapcrap

Jef
JEF
The Assless Chaps
Jef Czekaj/The Tardy
The Anchormen
Plunge into Death
The Stevedores
Gobstopper
Bytches and Pryx
Big Mixx
Vest
I Am the Weapon
Shig Pit
Jefandi
Napoleon's Neck

Jen
JEN
The Operators
The Organ Grinders
The Somerville Community Star Warchestra
The Stevedores
Gobstopper
Psquelch
Bytches and Pryx
Big Mixx
The Speed Queens

JOHN
Antilock/ABS
The Post-Ops
The Somerville Community Star Warchestra
Nowhere
River Bottom Nightmare Band

Paul
PAUL
Albumen
The Assless Chaps
The Operators
Sinkcharmer
Alger Hiss/Mudboy
Psquelch
The Jason Fradin Three
Big Mixx
Absolute Losers

Steph
STEPH
The Tricunx
Shocker in Beantown
The Operators
Nice & Easy
The Tardy
Metal Breakdown
Diamond Gym
The Wiggins
The Post-Ops
The Somerville Community Star Warchestra
Kazoondheits

TOM
Asian Babe Alert
The White Flags
The Anchormen
Scrapple
Mile Wide
Smoke Shoppe
Equinox/Crystal Illusion

AREA D
Humanimals
Scrapple
Plunge into Death
Congo Cruz

LESLIE
Asian Babe Alert
The White Flags
Massive Ass
Crimson Dynamo
Diet of Worms

OTHER HANDSTAND SIDE PROJECTS
Secret Life of Machines (Chris, Jen)
Metal Breakdown (Steph, all pick slides, all the time)
The Mayors of Bronzeville (Emily, Heath; political rants galore)
The Shut Ups (Various; HC supragroup)
Empty Glasses (Jen, Jef, Chris, Emily, Steph; all songs played drunk and with ham in hair)
Cruel Ranch (Chris, Heath; keyboards, keyboards, keyboards)
The Smock (Jef backed by the Ops)
DGXJC (Jef, Dave, and a giant boombox; sexy drum machine guitar jams)
Asian Babe Alert (Tom, Leslie; sexy garage rock)
The Angle (Chris, Simone, etc. New Wave)
The Quincunx (Emily on baritone guitar)
Ghostbusters II (Jef + dope beatz)
The Operettas (the girls of the Operators)
The Opera-Haters (see the Operettas)
T.L.F. (short for Tasty Little Fuckers, see the Opera-Haters)
Big Drink (see T.L.F.)

Handstand Command:
Before We Were Rockstars

You may think we just sprang like Athena, fully-formed from the head of Zeus...but no! Here are all the bands all the SVHC members have ever been in:

WHRW Compilation
WHRW Compilation liner notes ABSOLUTE LOSERS
Albany NY circa 1989
Paul's band with Ian Anderson (his cousin, not a member of Jethro Tull) in high school. Named well before Slacker's "Ultimate Losers." Composed a bunch of songs with titles like "Dickless," "My Eyes are Full of Bugs," and "Ugly Girl (You Make Me Sick)" which were written one sleepover with a Yamaha keyboard. Paul had laryngitis so he just played keyboard and made vocal sound effects. In a later incarnation, wrote the "classics" "Cauliflower Love," "Rubber Legs," "Ray Called," and "Heart Shaped Rug" using beer, a copy of Readers Digest, and a heart shaped rug.

ALGER HISS
Chapel Hill NC circa 1995
Pre-cursor to Paul's band Sinkcharmer, at one point also named Mudboy. Turned out there was another band named Alger Hiss. Produced several tapes such as "I Love You Therefore I'll Give You Walnuts," some material later to be officially released on Sinkchamer albums.

Bytches and Pryx BIG MIXX
Binghamton NY circa 1990
Lineup: Ron Drumm (WHRW Record Librarian), Jason Koffman, Paul (on toy tugboat), Jen, Jef (on violin and drums), Tom Windish, maybe? Also perhaps Mike Newmark, Isabel, more? Performed once. Soundclip: "Goo" Sonic Youth cover.

BYTCHES AND PRYX
Binghamton NY circa 1990-1991
All covers band, covers included "Not Too Soon" by Throwing Muses. Drank a lot. Played in their underwear. Jen on bass, Jef on drums, Jason guitar, Kirsten lead singer. Sometimes Tom would show up and play some keyboard.See also: PRYX, the boys of bytches &... recorded one song. never performed. Soundclips: "Shove" (L7 cover) and "Slide Projector Diary" (features Tom Windish of Billions Booking on lead vocal).

CONGO CRUZ
Boston MA circa 1981
Dave's post-high school band. They recorded in Newbury Street Studios (located in the building where Tower Records used to be). Each member was into a different scene: jazz bassist, classic rock drummer, heavy metal and punk guitarists, Dave was kinda hardcore. Mullets were sported. Dave says a record was made but he has never seen it nor heard it.

THE CORBOMITE MANOUEVER
Larchmont NY circa 1989
Chris's high school band, all covers (Zep, Floyd, Dire Straights, The Police). Matt Ray, guitar vocals, Ron Peron, guitar, Chris bass, Ben Rosenthal drums. Also Dave Rozner when Ben graduated. Name is a Star Trek reference. Played "Give Peace a Dance" at school. Chris quit when the band went from Zep to Dead covers.

CRIMSON DYNAMO
Somerville MA circa 2000?
A one-shot Wings cover band with Leslie of Asian Babe Alert (vox and drums).

Steph, Leslie, Courtney, and Emily of Diamond Gym
DIAMOND GYM
Somerville MA circa 1999
Throwing Muses cover band, "Same Sun" was recorded for an unreleased(?) tribute album. Emily Diamond rhythm guitar and singing, Stephanie Diamond on bass, Leslie Diamond on violin, Courtney Diamond on drums, Jessica Summa-Diamond (of Ripley) on lead guitar and singing. Proving difficult to practice with Jessie in Seattle and the rest of the band in Somerville.
Em, Steph, Jess, and Leslie of Diamond Gym

DIET OF WORMS
Somerville MA circa 2001?
Noise mongers Diet of Worms featured Leslie of Asian Babe Alert screeching on sax and vox. Had three gigs.

EQUINOX
Weymouth MA circa 1982
Tom's band in high school. Changed their name to CRYSTAL ILLUSION (!) because there was another Equinox. That Equinox broke up, and so they went back to being Equinox.

EMPTY GLASSES
The Amps tribute band starring members of the Operators and the Anchormen. All songs played drunk and with ham in hair. Soundclip: Tipp City.

EXPERIMENTAL DOG
Somerville MA circa 2005
Chris on accordion and bass and Emily on guitar and melodica formed a one-off cover band for a They Might Be Giants tribute night at PAs Lounge, fall '05. The performance included Emily's brother Jon on drums and puppeteering, and a homemade Homestar puppet. Setlist: Montana, Dinner Bell, Mammal, Ana Ng (with Heather of International Pen Pal on vocals and Ben and Leslie of B for Brontosaurus doing the official TMBG dance).
Emily, Chris, and Homestar in Experimental Dog Experimental Dog Promo Shot Homestar Puppet

GOBSTOPPER
Binghamton NY circa 1994
Jen and Jef recorded one song for the WHRW CD, written while drinking a bottle of Malibu rum. Soundclip: "Radical Luck".

I Am the Weapon logo I AM THE WEAPON
Binghamton NY circa 1992
Accursed post-Shig Pit "grunge" band with ultra-tough name. Jef, singing and guitar, Bill Lovejoy on bass, Joe from Shig Pit on drums until he broke his hand, Rich Nettleton on drums until he got a really bad kidney infection (and later killed during that LIRR shooting). Performed once, but at least it was at CBGB.

THE JASON FRADIN THREE
Binghamton NY circa 1993
Precursor to Stray Voltage Tense Cows (see below). The band consisted of two people, neither of whom was school radio station manager Jason Fradin. Paul (on guitar) and Chris (on banjo). They played the Binghamton pub once. Perhaps someday they will revive their duo...there is some talk of a side project called The Assless Chaps, though it's unclear if it's a band of british chaps with the asses cut out of their pants or some other interpretation.
The Jason Fradin 3 in the Campus Pub

JEFANDI
Binghamton NY circa 1988
Studio-only project of Jef and Andi Binner. Sounds like Beck (acoustic guitars over hip-hoppy drums), before Beck recorded anything. Some of their recordings are to be used in a movie that Mark Phillips is making.

KAZOONDHEITS
Ithaca NY circa 1998
Steph's all-kazoo ensemble in college. Steph's psuedonym in the group was Baby Cousin Compost, fellow kazooer Amy Greenstein was nicknamed Dust Bunny. Band formed as an excuse not to study. Never played out but performed for roommates and visitors whenever a suitable song came on the radio. They mostly did kazoo versions of the Indigo Girls and camping songs, as well as the Imperial March (this was a favorite around exam time). Dressed in whatever abnormal clothing they could find--wigs, bandannas, bathrobes, hippie clothes, etc. Amy would often show off her ability to drink water while kazooing.

KNIGHTCAP
Fort Atkinson WI circa 1985
Heath's Junior High band (he was the keyboardist). Originally called Nitecap, changed its name to Knightcap because a Midwestern hotel chain already used the name. The band learned two songs--"Tonight, Tonight, Tonight" and "Axel F"--and played them off of sheet music. They practiced in the Methodist Church's youth group room. Never played live. Lineup: Heath, Scott Church, Matt Gobel, Brett Herbert.

MASSIVE ASS
Somerville MA circa 1998-1999
Leslie Case (drums), Rachel Strutt (bass), and Dave "Plunky" Plunkett (guitar). Leslie usually sang, but sometimes Rachel did. Played lots of covers: "Billie Jean," "Hungry like the Wolf," and for some reason, lots of Wings numbers. Odd. Practiced at The Anchormen's space and at Plunkett's house. Never quite settled on a name (Massive Ass was a joke but made Leslie a bit upset because she thought her bandmates really liked it). Other band name tossed around: Heinous.

Metal Breakdown at Anonymous Girls Showcase
METAL BREAKDOWN
Boston MA circa 2001
Steph, Courtney Meideros (of Diamond Gym, the Post-Ops), Greg der Ananian (of Pretty Pony), and Cyndi@electrip.com. All pick slides, all the time. Hott! Played one show at the Anonymous Girls showcase #2 alongside Sarah Dougher and The Operators. Included a rockin Abba cover (that no one recognized as an Abba cover).

MILE WIDE
Boston MA circa 1994-1998
Tom's former band. Art-rock geeks galore--but mercifully got way more rock towards the end. Put out a 7" single and a full-length CD (see below) that was one of the first to be done on those brown cardboard covers. Hand-stamped and painted all 1000 copies (not recommended). Played shows with art-rock ghetto superstars such as Red Krayola, Thinking Fellers, Moe Tucker (Tom got to talk about foot pedals with Sterling Morrison), and so on. Last thing they released was 3 songs on the Sublingual Records compilation "The Underbelly of Boston." Vanished with nary a peep. Lineup: Pete Ryan, Liz Tonne, John Tescher, Vic Rawlings, Chris Rossow, Mark Romano, Tom Scanlon.
Brown cardboard cover Mile Wide CD

NAPOLEON'S NECK
Binghamton NY circa 1988
Jef, Bill Lovejoy, Doug Adler: Sex Pistols and Devo covers. Wrote a christmas song? Never performed.

NOWHERE
Olean NY circa 1994
John (Antilock, Post-Ops), Eric of the Speed Queens (see below), Ean, and Steve.

THE ORGAN GRINDERS
Somerville MA circa 1998
Riot-grrl precursor to The Operators. Jen, Paul, Emily, and Lisa of Off My Jammy on keyboards. Practiced in Emily's living room, to the delight of neighbors. Wrote Laura's Revenge and P.O. Box, which later turned into Bottle.

THE POST-OPS
Somerville MA circa 1999
John, Steph, Leslie Diamond, Scott Walker, Courtney Medeiros. They practiced after The Operators in the same roach-infested practice space (before transfering to their flying-ant-infested, cat-urine-soaked basement headquarters), hence the name. They had two very long songs, neither really finished. Had a hard time picking a name; The Red-Headed Step-Child, Shot from Guns, Mercury Switch, and Merkin Mindy were bandied about. Another possible name was Airborne Chemical Event, which totally coincidentally is a reference to the same Delillo novel as The Anchormen song Airborne Event.

PROMETHEUS
Binghamton NY circa 1992
Prog rock band with Chris on bass, Paul Rubenstein guitar, Dan Weeks sax, and Chad the drummer. There was also this guy Toothless Mike who always hung out at band practice--he was 19, a heroin addict, had 2 kids, was missing several teeth, and lived in PA. When the band was first getting forming, Paul R. wanted everyone to sign a handwritten contract saying they promised to continually be "musically adventurous." They played in lots of weird time signatures and modal keys and practiced on the wrong side of the tracks near the no-name donut shop (where Chris ate a peanut butter donut on a dare that was so bad it made him cry). Their practice space had a chinchilla, which was always really hyper such that you couldn't really open the door to its cage. But several bong hits directed into the cage would calm him down (one of the band members was a dealer who moved a pound of pot a week). Chris quit the band when they chose the name Prometheus.

Psquelch 7-inch PSQUELCH
Binghamton NY circa 1992-1993
Banjo-driven prog rock band. Added the "P" when they discovered another band named Squelch. Jen bass, Paul banjo, Matt of Spare Me Records on guitar, Dave Bachman on drums. Played in lots of weird time signatures. Opened for Archers of Loaf and once performed with Valhalla, a metal band from Florida whose drummer had not one, not two, but THREE bass drums, which read: "SHOW ME YOUR TITS" "SHANE MICHAELS" "SHOW ME YOUR TITS". Appeared on the second WHRW comp. Released one 7". Paul and Jen have scads of leftovers. A copy can be yours for the asking (uh, and postage). Soundclip: Steeped in Slack.

RAPCRAP
Fort Atkinson WI circa 1989-1991
Heath's short-lived hiphop foursome. Played the Fort Atkinson High School talent show to much laughter and applause.

RIVER BOTTOM NIGHTMARE BAND
Olean NY circa 1992
Precursor to Nowhere, included John (Antilock, Post-Ops), Eric, Steve, and Joanna. Were sposed to play with Emmet Otter's Jug Band (aka Stray Voltage, Tense Cows, who chose the name specifically to go with the RBNB) at the Binghamton pub but they were thwarted by weather.

Shig Pit SHIG PIT
Binghamton NY circa 1988-1990?
Jef, Bill Lovejoy, Ivan. Played in lots of weird time signatures, recorded scads of albums. WHRW Binghamton's CMJ playlist once spelled S.H.I.G.P.I.T. with the initial letters of each band (spawning a trend which led Paul to submit C.M.J.S.U.C.K.S. and nowadays CMJ uses to justify putting their pay-for-play comps in place of "unknown" bands to avert jokey tampering with the playlist). Shig Pit were either kicked off stage or banned at every show they played--sometimes both (Actually, were pulled off stage at Goodtime Charlie's, the SUNY Binghamton Pub at their second show there, and February's, and were banned from campus after the second Pub show. But did finish their first Pub show and the Battle of the Worst Bands). After being pulled off the stage at Goodtime Charlie's, Jef called them pretending to be from Pipe Dream and interviewed Charlie about Shig Pit. He recorded the whole thing on tape while Charlie described how the band drove everyone out of the place. Soundclips: "Trucks Suck," "I Hate Shig Pit."

Shig Pit in the Campus Pub

SHOCKER IN BEANTOWN
Shocker in Beantown Boston MA circa 2006
One time Tricunx/Shepherdess supergroup with Emily Steph Slamber and Hilken. Played at GBV tribute Nov 11, 2006 wearing all matching Big Muff baseball jerseys. However, promises of giant foam finger shockers were not to be realized. Setlist: Echoes Myron, Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory, Kicker of Elves, Shocker in Beantown.

SMOKE SHOPPE
Boston MA circa 1987-1989
Tom's former band. Very little recorded material exists because, well, they didn't record much. But oh did they drink. Had a song, "Furst Keds" on a Sound Museum compilation. And that song, along with with 2 others were on a cassette that got spotlighted in CMJ. Then recorded a 5-song demo at the new Fort Apache--fought about the mixes--and broke up. Perhaps beer had a lot to with both the bad mixes and the ensuing arguments. Tom Devlin was their biggest fan. He's partial to the Live on WMBR tape -- which he fortunately captured for the archives. Contains a scathing version of a song about an acutal sexual experience with a future bass player of Hole. Lineup: Tom Baker, Tom Scanlon, Roland Smith, Tony Gaffney (later replaced by Jim Buni).

Somerville Community Star Warchestra at Million Year Picnic

THE SOMERVILLE COMMUNITY ALL-STAR ORCHESTRA
Took various guises, including the Somerville Community Superstar Orchestra (James Kochalka Superstar covers) and the Somerville Community Star Warchestra (Star Wars soundtrack). Usually found somewhere near comic books and other nerdy pursuits. The Superstarchestra played the Cambridge Comic Circus--an underground comics celebration with puppets, slideshows, and musical acts (Jen Jef and Chris also performed at a previous comix circus as a hip hop Mumenschantz troupe with Breeders samples). To their delight James Kochalka was there to spotaneous sing along with the orchestra onstage (and to their horror also deliver a little full frontal nudity). The Star Warchestra intended to serenade audiences inline for the reissue of Star Wars: A New Hope but never worked up the courage. Instead, they played the occasional park and then the comic book signing for Jef's Hypertruck at Million Year Picnic. That version featured Steph, Scott, Jen, Emily, John, and some guy who walked by on kazoo.

Speed Queens SPEED QUEENS
Olean NY circa 1987-1990
Jen on bass, Karl on guitar, Karl's bro Eric on drums. One of the founding bands in Olean, NY's now thriving underground rock scene (there is at least one thing wrong with the preceding statement, possibly two.) Provided entertainment at several New Year's fetes, recorded three cassettes worth of material (Korsakov's, Teenage Aviation Stories, Jinxed). Karl went on to record with Syracuse rawkers Shaggy (*not* that Shaggy) and Tongue, then moved to NYC where he started his own gittar sellin' bizness, Main Drag Music (Bedford St. in Williamsburg, Brooklyn). Soundclip: "Spectrum 22"

THE STEVEDORES
Somerville MA circa 1996
Jen, Jef, and Chris. Didn't do much.

STRAY VOLTAGE, TENSE COWS
Binghamton NY circa 1994
SVTC had a different band name every time they performed (The Ham Party, As Seen on TV, Emmet Otter's Jug Band, International Silver String Submarine Band, 2 Fat Guys and a Bald Guy) Chris on guitar and 2 string bass and banjo, Paul on 3-string guitar and banjo, and Rick Dickens on drums. Played Binghamton Spring Fling 1994 accompanied by a giant, beligerant, dancing Ernie from Sesame Street. Also were supposed to play with the River Bottom Nightmare Band, which featured a high-school-aged John, but circumstances conspired to prevent this.

Vest VEST
Binghamton NY circa 1989
Jef (drums), Generic Mike (keyboards), Karen Middlestadt (cello), Aaron Howard (DJ), Gaby Betancourt and Tanya Hollander (dancers) and Krista Hall (singer). Industrial/new wave band who ended every song by playing a 3 note version of "VEST IS BEST" ad infinitum. Also did lots of Ministry covers. Were semi-finalists in some Binghamton battle of the bands, edging out a Rush cover band to the delight of none and threats of physical violence by all. Soundclips: "Monkey at the Wheel" and "Toast".

THE WIGGINS
Somerville MA circa 1999
Steph (drums), Emily (bass), and Danielle "Hardcore Dan" Castronovo (vox, guitar) thought they would start a Shaggs tribute band (this was before that Shaggs tribute album came out), practicing a couple times in Steph's basement before Danielle moved away. It turned out to be too much effort to play Shaggs songs exactly as they were written, especially because no one was playing their primary instrument (this was before Steph was drummer for The Operators). So it was all Shaggs-inspired songs including "Kitties! (Why Are You So Cute?)" and a cover of "Angry at the Universe," an awesome 30-second 3-chord song gleaned from Pittsfield Cable Access Television (now a common fucking-around song for The Operators).