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Handstand Commandments Archive: Volume 2All our news from 2001!
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Date: Wed, 13 Mar 2002 From: "Handstand Commando" Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol. II.11 To: theatreoftheabsurd@ps5.edu Handstand Commandments, Vol. II.11, a play in one act by Samuel Beckett Act One Curtain. A wooden stool is stage center. On the stool is a glass of water. Enter, stage left, Handstand Command. The small indie music collective based in Somerville, MA sits on the stool and sips the water.
HANDSTAND COMMAND (sipping water): Ah, nothing like a glass of water. Enter, stage right, a Rapscallion. RAPSCALLION: Dreadful privation. HANDSTAND COMMAND: Good day, sir. Perhaps, this Thursday you would like to see the Anchormen perform at the Upstairs lounge. RAPSCALLION: One daren't even laugh any more. HC: Very well. Perhaps instead, to celebrate St. Patricks's Day, you would be interested in seeing the Tardy perform this Sunday. Rapscallion knocks the glass out of Handstand Command's hands. HANDSTAND COMMAND: You are SOOO not in my will. Curtain. CALENDAR:
THIS WEEK:
THIS THURSDAY!!!:
THIS SUNDAY, ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!
THE TARDY +x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x+x
Handstand Command!
The Somerville, MA based music-collective featuring: email: handstandcommand@yahoo.com http://handstandcommand.tripod.com mp3s at http://www.mp3.com/stations/handstand_command If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002 To: welike@missionofburma.com From: "Handstand Commando" Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol. II.10 Handstand Command, the Somerville-based music collective, wishes you a good day. So this may be our busiest month ever! All sorts of crazy events in new exciting venues. Some highlights: More shows from Dave and Jef's FakeArtSchoolFreakout Project, An Operator and an Anchorman DJing at the Harvard Natural History Museum, The Tardy and The Operators rock the Metropolis Music Festival in New York City, a very special Valentine's Day show, an Indie-Rock Circus, why oh why won't you let us sleep?!?!? For more info check out the extensive concert listing below or, as always, check out the Handstand Command webpage (http://handstandcommand.tripod.com) for updates. Support local music, you! Thanks to The Noise for charting the Operators' (as of yet unreleased album) Citizen's Band on their internet radio station and for naming Jef Czekaj as one of the top 10 underappreciated acts in 2001. ____________ (Hey, Steph, you're a big jock, why don't you insert a timely "Super Bowl" related joke here? Our Marketing Director just CC:d me a memo explaining how we need to do more outreach to the "commoners." As you know I'll have nothing to do with the malodorous bourgeoisie. Thanks, doll!) Also: Handstand Command's 2nd birthday is in April! Start buying us gifts now and stay tuned for a grand celebration. Calendar of Events
THIS MONDAY!!!!!
Emily Operator and Chris Anchormen deejay @:
DGXJC (The Geissler/Czekaj Accord)
THE ORGAN GRINDERS
THE TARDY
THE OPERATORS
SCRAPPLE
THE OPERATORS
______________________________________________________________________ If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Thu, 3 Jan 2002 To: countjerkula@makeoutmansion.org.vne.net From: "Handstand Commando" Subject: Sinkcharmer! Operators! Late-Adds! Hello and Happy New Year! We wanted to drop a note to let you know of a couple of late addtions to Handstand Command's month of January. Notably, an acoustic-ish Sinkcharmer (Paul, Jen, Jef) show with the awesome Ad Frank and The Red Telephone, THIS SUNDAY at 7:30PM, and an added Operators show FRIDAY, JANUARY 11 at the Newbury Comics at Fresh Pond with The Color Guard and Pazza Ragazza. Details below. See you there.
SINKCHARMER
THE OPERATORS
NEWBURY COMICS, FRESH POND
THE OPERATORS | |
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Date: Thu, 27 Dec 2001 To: dom@cannonballrun.org From: "Handstand Commando" Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol. II.9 As The Handstand Command (your very own Somerville-based music collective) blazes forth into a shining new year, we take a moment to look back at a year well-lived. A year of of music, of art, of joy and of sorrow, of pleasure and of pain, of uh, um, come to our crappy rock shows, okay? We need beer money. NEWS: The title track from the forthcoming Stars in Winter CD by our very-own Sinkcharmer appears on a winter-themed comp called,"Christmas Underground." Get the info and the CD here : http://www.plantingseedsrecords.com/news.html The Operators have updated their webpage with pix, video captures from their appearance on public access television, AND their first music video, directed by William Lovejoy, bassist for the band Shig Pit: http://www.the-operators.com/pictures.html CALENDAR: THIS FRIDAY, 12.28.2001, TWO (2) HANDSTAND COMMAND SHOWS!!
SCRAPPLE
AND THE SAME NITE (BUT LATER):
SCRAPPLE
THE OPERATORS
THE OPERATORS
---------------------------------------- If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Wed, 5 Dec 2001 To: santa@bring-it-on.net From: "Handstand Commando" Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol. II.8
We, The Handstand Command Music Collective, have taken on an important cause this holiday season: This month Handstand Command gets crafty. We're happy to be sponsoring the first annual Bazaar Bizarre, a "punk craft" holiday fair that is taking place at the VFW in Davis Square, Somerville, this Friday, December 7, from 7-11PM. Many Handstand Commanders, including members of Scrapple, The Anchormen, and The Operators, will be, to borrow a term from a recent teen film, "Bringing It." Over 25 craft vendors selling a wide array of DIY indie/punk/etc. craft items will be present, as well as music courtesy of Punk Rock Aerobics, PUNKO (punk rock bingo!), a visit from Sleazy Santa, booze, and homemade crepes and sandwiches from Chris of The Anchormen. How could you NOT go? CALENDAR:
Do all of your holiday shopping here:
In other non-music news, also starting December 7: The show runs from December 7-January 3. The Diesel is located in 257 Elm Street , Davis Square, Somerville. They're open from very early to very late. 617.629.8717 and don't forget SCRAPPLE'S POST XXXMAS SHOW: Friday, December 28SCRAPPLE w/ Lovewhip, others too! Milky Way 405 Centre Street, Jamaica Plain, MA 617-524-3740 (PS, we're also sick of this plotline: Kid leaves a tray of cookies and note for Santa. Parents look on lovingly but condescendingly. The parents put the child to sleep and then sneak downstairs. In the morning, there's evidence that the "real" Santa has paid a visit. Parents look at each other, mouths agape. Camera pulls back on the house as snow gently falls.) Happy Holidays! ----------------------------------------Handstand Command! Handstand Command! Handstand Command! The Somerville, MA based music-collective featuring: The Anchormen, The Operators, Scrapple, Sinkcharmer, Jef Czekaj, The Tardy, Empty Glasses, The Shut-Ups, you. email: handstandcommand@yahoo.com http://handstandcommand.tripod.com mp3s at http://www.mp3.com/stations/handstand_command If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Tue, 27 Nov 2001 To: lysander@spooner.com From: "Handstand Commando" Subject: The Anchormen, THIS WEDNESDAY Dear Anarchist, You, our fans, know that the Anchormen stand for anything that screws up the schemes of THE MAN. You see, THE MAN always has an angle, and we (The Anchormen) have been chosen to f with him. And f we will! That's why we have deigned to cross the river to O'Brien's (3 Harvard Ave, (617) 782-6245) in Allston in order to play a benefit for Radio Free Allston Brighton this Wednesday, Nov. 28 (probably TODAY by the time you read this!). Because local radio seriously (in the words of Pauly Shore, another veteran MAN f'er) "tweaks" THE MAN's "melon." We'll be playing with The Matt Chase Group, and The Oxycontinentals, and the show starts at 9:30. I don't know anything about these other bands, but if they try to stand in the way of us disrupting THE MAN's machinations, well, they just hadn't better. That's all. It goes without saying, but you know we'd love to see you there. And bring your sister.
Yours in Subverting All Paradigms, not just the Dominant One, because
that's how Punk we are, --
---------------------------------------- If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Wed, 24 Oct 2001 That's right, Ghouls and Boos! Handstand Command is having a Hallowe'en hoedown at the always eerie Planet Aid (ooooo!) in Haaaaarvard Squaaaaare this Saturday, October 27. Why, even Dracula will be there! Show starts at 5 (just 420 minutes prior to the witching hour!). Scaaaary!
This fiendish festival features the following
fuh-reeks:
The Operators- http://the-operators.com Sinkcharmer - http://sinkcharmer.com/home.html The Tardy- http://handstandcommand.tripod.com/tardy/tardy.html Bands will be in costume! Dig it! While you're there, you can attend to your own Hallowed Ween costume shopping from Planet Aid's vintage racks. Sweeeeet. Before the show, join members of the aforementioned bands in sweatin' to the oldies, punk rock style at Punk Rock Aerobics - http://punkrockaerobics.com . You'll be frightfully fit! In other, less scary Handstand Command news: The Operators will be playing with the fabulous Mr. Airplane Man and the most rockulatious Takers at the superlative Abbey Lounge in Somerville on November 1st. On November 16, the Ops will reprise their August Midway gig with Tizzy, as well as the Mitchells and Crowns on 45 (no guarantees that Evan Dando will show up this time, but who knows!). Awright, that's what we gots. Hope to see you there! Plus: boo! To get yerself removed from this list, just ask handstandcommand@yahoo.com real nice like. | |
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Date: Thu, 6 Sep 2001 To: evan@dando.net From: Handstand Commando Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol II.6 After a relatively quiet August, the Handstand Command, Somerville's very own music collective, springs back into action with a flurry of activity for the Fall.
Two Festivals of which to speak: 2. Later on in the month (Sept. 19-30) be sure to check out the Somerville Comix Festival, a city-wide celebration of indie comics. The festival will feature gallery exhbitions, rock shows with, amongst other acts, The Tardy, workshops, artists signings at the Million Year Picnic (including the release of the much-anticipated anthology NON #5), cartoon screenings, miniature golf course holes, and more. Go to the Washington St. Arts Center website for more info: http://www.kickball.com/wsac In adddition to the Operators show THIS SATURDAY, Sept. 8, The Anchormen will be performing a FREE ALL-AGES show in historic Harvard Sqaure at Planet Aid, a used clothing store that supports Humana's People to People projects in Africa, Asia, and Latin America. Also on the bill are the wonderful Cape Cod indie rock band, The Fleece, and THE GHOSTBUSTERS II, which is Jef and some dope beatz. The show starts at 5PM. CALENDAR:
THE ANCHORMEN, THE GHOSTBUSTERS II (Jef solo) and THE FLEECE MEANWHILE ....
THE OPERATORS
THE TARDY
THE TARDY
---------------------------------------- If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 To: madonna@as-though-a-virgin.org From: Handstand Commando Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol II.5 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Handstand Command Writes Itself A Press Relase. Somerville, MA, August 14, 2001-- Handstand Command, the Somerville-based music collective, has written a press release. This press release was meant to inform readers that the Handstand Command would like to promote itself, its bands, and the events planned around these bands. The press release went on to explain how The Operators will be performing THIS WEDNESDAY, August 15th at the Midway Cafe in Jamaica Plain with Tizzy and Swizzle. It also reminded readers that the Operators' T-shirts are back in stock for all of one's covering-one's-shame needs (http://www.the-operators.com/shop.html). It mentioned that the Tardy will be performing outdoors in the Harvard Square and Boston area in August and suggested one e-mail them for more information. It further stated that the Tardy will soon have FREE stickers and that if one would like a sticker one should look here: http://handstandcommand.tripod.com/tardy/tardysticker.html It urged readers to stay tuned for more news in September, including Ladyfest East information, two Handstand Command showcases, Handstand Command bands at the Somerville Comix Festival, and new releases by HC artists. "Uh, yeah, I read this on-line web thing about how to write a press release, and it said the next to last paragraph should be a quotation," said Handstand Command member Jef Czekaj. "The article said it would add 'credibility.' Choice!" It was also learned by the Collective that the active rather than the passive tense should be used by the writer of the press release. And that the release should be ended with three pound symbols. ###
THIS Wednesday, August 15th BONUS FURTHER READING: This month's ROBOT POWER 20.5, published by the same folks that write the wonderful GIANT ROBOT magazine (http://www.giantrobot.com), includes a dramatic retelling of Anchorman Heath Row's near-death experience and how members of the Handstand Command came to his rescue. | |
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Date: Fri, 13 Jul 2001 To: blackcat@badluck.org From: Handstand Commando Subject: Tardy Show Tonight
Just a reminder: The Tardy are playing this evening, Friday the 13th,
Perhaps Steph and Jef don't say this often enough, but they'd like to
Full info:
here's a map: http://whereis.mit.edu/bin/map?locate=museum_bldg
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If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent | |
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Fri, 29 Jun 2001 To: yakov@sovietunion.org From: Handstand Commando Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol. II.4 U! S! A! U! S! A! U! S! A! Say, you know who's funny? Yakov Smirnoff. He would say something and then say "In Soviet Union..." and then say kind of the opposite of what he just said. That kills us, the Somerville-based music collective that goes by the name Handstand Command. This July 4th, please reflect upon how good and right it is that Yakov Smirnoff is allowed to express himself in this fine nation of ours. Oh, and also, shoot bottle rockets out of a Wiffle Bat down the street. U! S! A! U! S! A! U! S! A! NEWS:
Hey, we're famous (well at least there was an article about us in the
local paper)!:
CALENDAR:
THE TARDY
THE TARDY
THE TARDY
SCRAPPLE AND CHECK OUT THE OPS MINI-TOUR!:
THE OPERATORS
THE OPERATORS
THE OPERATORS
---------------------------------------- If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2001 To: handstandcommand@kidrock.com From: Handstand Commando Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol II.3 Truth be told, we, the members of Handstand Command, the Somerville-based music collective, lead rather pedestrian lives. But, you don't want to hear that, do you? You want debauchery, you want all-night parties, you want Rock Gods for heaven's sake!! Um, here's a recipe for Oatmeal Scotchies: 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 cup (2 sticks) butter or margarine, softened , 3/4 cup sugar, 3/4 cup brown sugar, packed, 2 large eggs, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract , Finely grated peel of 1 orange (optional), 3 cups quick-cooking or old fashioned oats, 2 cups (12-ounce package) butterscotch flavored chips
1. Preheat oven to 375*F.
Lots of shows this week: CALENDAR:
THE ANCHORMEN
THE OPERATORS (who are finishing up recording their album!!!)
SCRAPPLE
THE TARDY and SINKCHARMER If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 To: jeffords@independent.gov From: Handstand Commando Subject: Governor Swift Orders Emergency Tardy Show TONIGHT!:
2 HANDSTAND COMMAND SHOWS TONIGHT (THURSDAY 24)!!
then go here:
and let's not forget next week, Wed 5/30: insert witty comments here. | |
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Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2001 To: you@karaoke.edu From: Handstand Commando Subject: Handstand Commandments, Vol. II.2 Testing. Testing. Is this thing on? Cool, Voice Recognition Software! No more typing for us! So, uh, hi and welcome again to the newsletter of the Handstand Command, the Somerville music collective providing all of your rock needs since 2000. This time out we've got a lot of great...um, crap, the phone's ringing. Voice Recognition Software, off! Hello. Yes. Yes. No. No. CateGORically no! Listen, what you're saying is libel! I told you, no! Absolutely not! If you even TRY to print any of this we'll drag your ass into court! No, you f{autocensor activated}ng {autocensor}holes! What? Um. Oh. Photos? Our position is that we disavow any knowledge of any photos. What? Oh, I see. Um, uh, listen we were a young music collective, we had to make money somehow... What? Sure. Yes. All right, let me get a pen. Right. Right. OK. Got it. Yes. Sure. I'll get the check in the mail tomorrow. Just make sure those negatives get to me. OK. Bye. Voice Recognition Software, on! Let's see, where was I? Oh yeah, you're not gonna want to miss the show this Thursday, April 26, 9PM, at the Skybar. Handstand Commandos, THE TARDY will be performing with surprise guests and THE ANCHORMEN proudly present ANCHORMEN ALL-STAR KARAOKE. See your favorite Anchormen songs performed by local celebrities including members of THE OPERATORS, Prikly, SCRAPPLE, Happy Bomb and more!!!! Also performing will be HC-allies Ruby Lashes, and Kipper Tin and Kitty Kill. Come early! Stay late. Make a fool of yourself and we promise to the same. This Friday is your last opportunity to check out THE OPERATORS' appearance on SCAT; Friday April 27th at 8PM. Get cable and move to Somerville, fast! Also if you happen to be in Washington, DC, Arlington, VA or Central MA you're in for a treat. A very rare appearance of the one and only SINKCHARMER (http://www.sinkcharmer.com), Paul from the Operators other project which falls somplace between indie pop and folk, a la the Bats or the Chills. His touring band includes Jen from the Operators on bass and Jef from the Anchormen/Tardy on drums and keyboard. Check them out:
SINKCHARMER:
Sunday, April 29, 9PM
Monday, April 30, 8PM, All Ages
All right. That's it for now. Voice Recognition Software, off! Oh, that's weird, that didn't seem to turn it off. Oh, sh{autocensor}t, the phone call! Well as long as I can delete it instead of sending it --
---------------------------------------- If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. | |
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Date: Fri, 30 Mar 2001 To: happy_birthday@to_us.org From: Handstand Commando Subject: Handstand Command, Vol II.1 !!!
TV GUIDE LISTING FROM THE FUTURE: Rock's most notorious Somerville-based music collective embraced excess and pushed it as far as they could: from their wild stage theatrics (Operators' drummer/guitarist, Steph Melikian would light herself on fire), to the hair, makeup, spandex and stilettos with which the Anchormen adorned themselves, to the drugs and alcohol Scrapple consumed, and, of course, the endless games of Boggle. VH-1 traces the path from their humble beginnings as T.G.I.Friday's waitrons, to their meteoric rise to fame selling out the Abbey Lounge for one consecutive day, to their decadent fall from grace as the hedonism of limos and liquor, drugs and groupies defined their daily ritual." Happy Birthday to Us! Yup, that's right, Handstand Command has survived its first year without accidentally getting into the cabinet underneath the sink. But don't think we haven't tried. Celebrate Handstand Command's birthday by voting for HC bands on this silly poll: http://www.bostonphoenix.com/utility/polls/B_BMP01_ballot.plx There's a lot going on this month. April starts a day early with the Anchormen playing a matinee show at the Cardboard Art Festival. Then we take over the airwaves, with the Operators on TV and both The Anchormen and Scrapple on the radio. Check out an awesome Tardy bill with Mary Timony, Mark Robinson, Juliet (with Seana Carmody) and Gertrude at the Lizard Lounge on April 10. Later in the month see them again with Ruby Lashes, and the Anchormen, who proudly present Anchormen All-Star Karaoke, featuring local celebs singing their favorite Anks songs. And why not finish your month with a trip out to lovely Northampton to check out Sinkcharmer? MERCH: Both Scrapple AND The Operators have contributed a song to LadyfestEast 2-CD compilation ("Bottle" by the Operators and "Shesus" by Scrapple), which will be available April 10, 2001, through http://www.ladyfesteast.org and http://www.cdbaby.com.
Be naked no more (well, if you must). Both Sinkcharmer and The Tardy have new, new, new t-shirts for sale. Covering your shame has never been so fashionable: CALENDAR:
THIS Saturday, March 31
THE OPERATORS live on
THE ANCHORMEN
Truth Serum presents:
SCRAPPLE Radio Drama
THE ANCHORMEN ALL-STAR KARAOKE, THE TARDY
SINKCHARMER
---------------------------------------- If you do not wish to receive further Handstand Commandments (sent approximately once per month), please let us know. Likewise, if you know of anyone who actually WOULD like to receive Handstand Commandments, send us his or her e-mail address. Thank you. You will go far in this world. Volume 1, Volume 3, Current Volume, Sign up for Handstand Commandments.
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